I didn't disappear. I swear it.
I have all kinds of blog posts ready to go, lots of awesome recipes and stuff…only I can't get the pictures to load! What good is a food blog if you don't have pics? So while I beat my head against the wall trying to get this whole picture issue resolved, I'll fill you in on a dieting/weightloss/paleo headf*ck I'm currently dealing with.
Backstory (and a sorta-update): Today the scale says 298lbs.
I've been hovering at that same number…nearly that EXACT number…since the beginning of November at a doctor's appointment. After the loss/delivery of the baby a few weeks later, the doctor told me not to expect the scale to move much for about a month. While I kept that in my head…I didn't believe it. After all, with each of the cavekids I bounced back (40+ lbs with each one)- on a standard American diet, no less- in 6 weeks. I've had such huge successes with paleo and low-carb that I figured something would happen. Maybe not a dramatic loss, but…something.
Annnnnd nothing. Nada, zip, zero, zilch. Thanksgiving came and went, and while I'd allowed myself a few little cheats, I was right back on it, hardcore, come December. But nothing moved, nothing changed, except the scale did jump up over 300. It was an eventuality I had been dreading when I was pregnant, but now, after everything that had happened and as 'good' as I was being, it was sort of a hammer blow. 306lbs, and I couldn't believe it.
I put the scale away just before Christmas, and went back to rockin the crossfit and the ketogenic paleo (under 50g of carbohydrates a day). I had a few cheats around the holidays, and again went right back to it, and I finally, finally pulled out the scale again last week. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, since my clothes weren't fitting quite right and everything just felt too tight, but I couldnt't believe that nothing has changed. 8+ weeks of busting my butt with exercise and eating right, and I have nothing to show for it.
Mentally, I get what's happening. I mean, I lost 160lbs, gained back 10 and maintained for 3 months, got pregnant and gained another 20 while I was bringing some grains (and admittedly, some crap food) back into my life, then lost the baby and went back to seriously low-carb/paleo…all in 14 months. I'm under a heavy load of stress right now, and I have no doubt that's a factor as well.
That still doesn't make it all okay.
I want results. I want my clothes to fit better (especiallly since I tossed out all the stuff that was too big and am left with things that were great 30lbs and 8 months ago). I want to stop the dumbass comments other people make and have them be compliments instead.
Which leads me into my vent/rant for today.
I recognize and appreciate the fact that I have well-meaning and well-intentioned people in my life. Remembering that- the good intentions and that they mean well- is the only reason I haven't been losing my cool when I get…comments.
The other day, someone said "It's a shame you haven't lost any more weight."
…..yes. Yes it is. And thank you SO much for making my previous success null and void and calling attention to the plateau that is currently freaking me out. No, really. I appreciate it.
On the heels of that, a few days later and someone completely different, was the cautious query "Do you plan on losing more?"
The way it was phrased held a veiled implication that I'm not currently putting forth any effort into eating right and exercising. And it hurt. My first response was exceptionally snarky (go figure) and somewhere in it was a joke and singing a little about liking big butts (and I cannot lie).
I laughed it off, but the whole thing really sort of put a cloud over me for a while. I know plateaus suck. I know weight loss is NOT easy. But really, really, why do I have to be called out right when I'm already at a peak frustration level?
I'm doing it. I'm Crossfittin' like a mofo, I'm doing Tae Kwon Do with the boys at home regulalry (and working up a serious sweat). I'm hitting all my macros daily (%fat/%protein/%carbs) and staying under 50g of carbs a day, with the occaisional 90g carb day every other week or so, just to help shake things up. I'm doing it.
So where are my effing results?
Alright, rant over. I'm going to go bust out my 1/2 mile
run walk-at-a-brisk pace, and then I might just suck on a 60% dark chooclate chip and be filled with hope again.